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My Weight Frustrations

I remember being a size 12-14 in high school. From my freshmen year to I guess my junior year of high school I thought I was fat. I didn’t think I was over weight, I thought I was fat. My thighs have always touched each other and I had a small pooch in my stomach. This is what I considered fat. I can admit that I was called a few names jokingly when I was younger, but I don’t know where it kicked in that I thought I was fat. Fast forward senior year and freshmen year of college, I went from thinking I was fine to knowing I was fine. I don’t really know what happened. I just remembering having to shop for clothes for college and I bought clothes that were comfortable and tennis shoes. When I made new friends in college they brought it to my attention that I could wear certain clothes and look really good. I remember those days. Unfortunately I did what so many other college freshmen in America do their first year of college, I gained weight. I gained so much weight that my grandmother accused me of being pregnant.

Over the next 20 plus years I would gain over 200 pounds. Yes, I now top the scale at a whopping 364 pounds. Instead of that small pooch I had, I now have a sack of fat that hangs from my belly. When I try to put my body composition into words, it baffles me. I can literally pick up my hanging stomach and move it up and down or put my pants under the belly fat or put the belly fat in my pants. Sometimes I have to lean against the wall to put on panties or socks. It is really difficult to paint or clip my toenails because the fat is in the way when I try to bend and reach my foot. I often wonder how did I let myself get so big. I feel that I can’t keep asking myself this questions. I feel that I need to be about losing the weight and now. It is has been four days since I turned 41. Everything inside of me says stop thinking about this and be like Nike and just do it and then I hear another small voice. The small voices says we should talk about why you are so overweight.

I realized a few years after college that I would binge eat and whenever I was upset, frustrated, mad, happy, confused or sad I would over eat. I lived by myself so many people didn’t see it but they could see the weight. When I went home for the holidays it was the time to over eat. I couldn’t hide the overeating for long. Family members starting commenting about my weight. They would say how big I was getting. My mom talked with me in a different way. I could see things in her face and hear nice comments about my appear and every once in a while she would sit me down to talk about my large portions or how often I ate. She even tried to talk with me about depression. I would just blow her off because she wanted to get to the issues of weight gain and she tried to approach me in a positive and supportive manner. I was not ready and so I walked away and I kept walking away every time she tried. At the age of 41 and with the hope of have babies in the near future, I am seeking out people like my mom that will talk kindly, yet firmly about why I am inhaling food to cope with life. I have starting on this positive journey of having a healthy conversation about my weight frustrations. I hope if you need this you will start to take steps.


About the Author

Rhema Milton

Rhema Milton

Rhema Milton has taken an interest in promoting the need for healthy, positive weight-loss conversations. She currently helps run a website where they sell folding treadmills. Shop their selection today. You can visit their site today at

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